I use to weigh 280lbs, in 2003 I decided after many failed weight loss attempts to undergo a Vertical Banded Gastroplasy also known as a VBG.
Basically my stomach is intact but I have hundreds of staples and a mesh band that has been placed around my stomach. Unlike the Band that’s used today the band I have around my stomach has no fill requirements it’s just there..permanently.
Honestly at first I was reluctant to have the surgery done, it wasn’t an easy decision but I was tired of being fat. I was tired of the looks, the comments, the feeling of not fitting in and somewhere I though yup this might change my life.
And in some ways it did change my life but not in the way I though it would.
1. I could no longer eat. I used food to pacify myself when I was upset or angry. I still do this.. I will eat quickly and usually will end up throwing up as a result. Since I’ve learned to speak up and I don’t do it often anymore, I have been branded a BITCH by people who have known me for years and a lot of those people I cut off by choice.
2. I found myself wanting to hide my body again another thing I still do.. the looks now took on a whole other meaning having lost all the weight almost made me feel naked, vulnerable and weak.
3. I did not go running out to buy a bikini or low cut shirt. I still wear over sized comfortable things.
4. I’m still the FAT girl. I’m still the fat girl that has not changed I’m still mentally the fat girl. I don’t see the 125lbs I’ve lost. I don’t see it when I look in the mirror, when I put on clothing or when I go shopping I still 13yrs later find myself rummaging through the plus size clothes.
5. My life did not get better, I still have to deal with the same shitty things, people and places I’ve had to deal with all my life. That would only have changed had I moved a million miles away and honestly some of those shitty people would have followed me where ever I went.
6. I got healthier.. for a while.. then malnutrition, dehydration, vomiting kicked in. I still struggle with this today. I wouldn’t change having the surgery for the world I can walk, move, do things I couldn’t do before but it didn’t come with out it’s side effect.
7. I realized weight loss surgery is NOT a quick fix.. You have to work at it everyday, I can easily gain back my weight if I eat and drink high calorie foods.
8. I never learned to love exercise and I still don’t exercise.
9. I learned to love myself as is. For a while I struggled just as much with my self esteem and body image as I did when I was fat. The surgery didn’t make me feel like a supermodel I still felt the same. In time I have learned that it’s not my body, size or looks that matter it’s who I am as a person and I love who I am.
10. It’s ok to be a big girl, a small girl, a medium girl. I learned that it’s okay I still don’t fit in not because of my body but because I happen to be one of those people who marches to the beat of her own drum. I still struggle with food issues, I still look in the mirror and think to myself does my butt look big?
I still do a lot of the things I did before surgery. The one major change was that I found my voice and learned to love me for me.
So weather your fat, thin, medium, tall, short or average love it, own it be who you are cause if you can’t love yourself people will catch on and they will act accordingly.
Life is to short to hate on yourself.
I love this from JCPenney and I think you should watch it because “here you are!”